You're Not My Mother, You're a Narcissist (Season 3 Episode 6)

bestforme10101
Apr 30
4 min read

Blog for BEST FOR ME PODCAST (Validating Narcissist Abuse Survivors and Daughters with Narcissist Mothers)

Many of us have experienced being in a relationship with a narcissist. Narcissists can exist in all relationship dynamics. Narcissists not only appear in romantic relationships, they can also be found in the work environment between co-workers or the boss you work for. They can be found in friendships, and family relationships. Any narcissist relationship is harmful,

as they are mentally and emotionally debilitating.

The narcissist in my life is my mother, but I didn't come to this conclusion until I was in my forties. I wish I had learned about narcissist personality disorder much sooner so that I could have began my healing journey earlier in life. I thought a narcissist was someone who was vain and obsessed with their looks and appearance. It wasn't until I read, Will I Ever Be Good Enough, by Karyl McBride that the revelation came to me that (1) I had been abused as a child, and (2) My mother wasn't just cruel and mean as I thought. I now believed she was a narcissist. A covert malignant narcissist, which is said to be the worst kind.

My mother didn't have a clinical diagnosis for narcissist personality disorder but she checked all the boxes. My mother was physically abusive neglectful of her children. When I left home, I really felt the darkness had been removed from my life and that I could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. Leaving the household of my abuser, did seem like ending a toxic situation and moving towards the independence of caring for myself, no longer being abused by my mother.

What I learned, much later in life, when I began to understand narcissism, is that the abuse did not end when I left home. My mother's narcissist abuse continued into my adult life, long after I left home, and after I married and had a child of my own. It wasn't until I went no contact, which many experts including myself, believe this is the only way to be free from the narcissist. Now going no contact is not the best situation for parents who are co-parenting with a narcissist, because children are involved and may not understand why they can no longer see their narcissist father or narcissist mother after a divorce or separation. When the narcissist is a family member, some may feel this would also be another exception to going no contact. Can you, would you, or should you go no contact with a family member? It's your family. Going no contact with a family member can be very difficult. How do you go no contact with your family? We all need family.

Going no contact with toxic family members. Narcissistic and toxic family. Narcissist mothers.

It is true that we need family, but who are you calling your family? One of my favorite scripture passages in the book of Matthew, Chapter 12, verse 48; Jesus asks, who is my mother, and who are my brothers, when his disciples came to him and told him they wanted to speak with him. Jesus' response is a learning opportunity for people to know that your family doesn't get a pass because they are family. Knowing his response puzzled everyone when they could clearly see his mother and brothers were there, Jesus explained his response by saying that his true family are those who do the will of his father in heaven.

I believe this passage in the scriptures is also teaching us that we can choose our family or even better, we need to choose our family. Choose the people you let in your inner circle, focusing only on the people who genuinely love and care about you. I can't tell you how many times I felt someone outside my family treated me better than my own family. Times when I really needed someone, but only those who I do not have a blood relation to were there for me.

You must love yourself enough to put yourself first. If your family is toxic and repeatedly hurting you and disrespecting you, this is not your family. Nor is it love. You deserve to be loved, but you must first love yourself. When you love yourself, you don't allow anyone to hurt you. Not even your family. Do what is best for you and have your best day being you. This is best for me and I'm Shaya.

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YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER, YOU'RE A NARCISSIST. AVAILABLE IN E-BOOK AND AUDIO.

Shayla's e-book: https://books2read.com/Youre-Not-My-Mother-Youre-a-Narcissist-mmn. AVAILABLE IN ALL MAJOR RETAIL OUTLETS; AUDIO AVAILABLE ONLY ON APPLE BOOKS. GET IT TODAY.